Guy Quote by Dana Gould

“Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!”

Dana Gould

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Funhouse Mirror Guy Guy Looked Hey Like me Look Reflected Looks Mirror Looked Mirrors Ponds Reflected Pond Saws Today

More by Dana Gould

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…

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The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

Dana Gould

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Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

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I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…

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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

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Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

Dana Gould

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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…

Dana Gould

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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…

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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.

Dana Gould

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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

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I want to be perceived as a guy who played his best in all facets, not just scoring. A guy who loved challenges.

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