Skip to content

Bed Quote by Dana Gould

“Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting…” quote by Dana Gould — Download Open image

“Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.”

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.9 out of 5 (3 ratings)

Bed Dummy Ends Masturbation Mean Ritual Setting Settings

More by Dana Gould

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…

Image

The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

Image

I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…

Image

Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

Image

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

Image

I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…

Image

I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

Image

It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…

Image

If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.

Image

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

Image

I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

Image

My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll…

Image

Explore all 260 Dana Gould quotes

More Bed quotes

When man of slender visits you / Nothing on earth that one can do / In well he’ll hide, or watery hole / And…

Image

Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one man in bed at the same time.

Frederic Raphael

Image

The beginning of love is all about the butterflies, but the end of it is when you can't get out of bed in the…

Image

Home is behind, the world ahead, And there are many paths to tread Through shadows to the edge of night, Until the stars are…

Image

I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers.

Image

Leave a cavity behind the [wall] facings, and on the inside build walls two feet thick, made of red dimension stone or burnt brick…

Marcus Vitruvius Pollio

Image

Why couldn't Jesus command us to obsess over everything, to try to control and manipulate people, to try not to breathe at all, or…

Image

“To all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or…

Shauna Niequist

Image

“In the parking lot, she drove and parked in a dark area with no other cars around. She reclined her seat, and listened to…

Image

It wasn't really touching to be young; it was touching not to be young, because you had less of life left. Touching to be…

Image

I have to meditate before I go to bed, always. I have to let the day go and let the eternal in.

Image

Sometimes by a woodland stream he watched the water rush over the pebbled bed, its tiny modulations of bounce and flow. A woman's body…

Image

Browse all 4,159 Bed quotes