Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
I once felt bad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet. He was wearing… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward. — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
