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Why Quotes by Jack Handey
- If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why…
- Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it's made up of two separate words — mank and…
- Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going…
- Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like…
- I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling…
- For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
- I think a new, different kind of bowling should be "carpet bowling." It's just like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood.…
- I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling…
- If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we're not going to hurt it.
- Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
- If someone told me it wasn't "fashionable" to talk about freedom, I think I'd just have to look him square in the eye and say,…
- Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
- I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun…
- If life deals you lemons, why not go kill somone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?
- A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go…
- When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I…
- I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but…
- Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the…
- I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little…
- The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a…
- Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth…
- Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives. In…
- I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on,…
- Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
More Why Quotes
- Aside from a handful of guys boxing is missing the good trainers, that's why our sport is so in the air now… — Alexis Arguello
- I hate to look at the stuff I've written and consider what it means or why I do it. — J. J. Abrams
- Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve some bold adventure, worthy of our trip. — Aristophanes
- School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, so why practice? — Billie Joe Armstrong
- My Latin temper blows up pretty fast, but it goes down just as fast. Maybe that's why you seldom hear of ulcers… — Desi Arnaz
- Why do the Yankees always win? The other team can't stop looking at the pinstripes. — Frank Abagnale
- If I were to say, 'God, why me?' about the bad things, then I should have said, 'God, why me?' about the… — Arthur Ashe
- Lebanon was under Israeli occupation, up to its capital, but we did not consider that a disaster. Why? Because it was very… — Bashar al-Assad
- What I am interested in with birds, just as I am with spiders or monkeys, is what they do and why they… — David Attenborough
- The whole of science, and one is tempted to think the whole of the life of any thinking man, is trying to… — David Attenborough
- It is vital that there is a narrator figure whom people believe. That's why I never do commercials. If I started saying… — David Attenborough
- I've never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It's probably because they have forgotten their own. — Margaret Atwood