"I'm not afraid of insects taking over the……" — Jack Handey
"I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me? I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Afraid Quotes
This quote is filed under Afraid Quotes,
one of 5,719 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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People are so damned afraid that one day they might wake up and discover that they've grown old.
— Billie Joe Armstrong
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I like being a strong, independent woman, and to be honest, I was never afraid to be on my own.
— Dido Armstrong
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I am afraid that the pleasantness of an employment does not always evince its propriety.
— Jane Austen
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I am more afraid of those who are terrified of the devil than I am of the devil himself.
— Teresa of Avila
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I just let the work speak for itself. An actor is not afraid to take risks; to put on different…
— Kevin Bacon
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Well, knowledge is a fine thing, and mother Eve thought so; but she smarted so severely for hers, that most…
— Abigail Adams
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I grew up as a Mormon, and that had more of an impact on my values than my beliefs. I'm…
— Amy Adams
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Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck…
— Lucille Ball
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Women's Lib? Oh, I'm afraid it doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts.
— Lucille Ball
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I am not finding pregnancy much of a joy. I am afraid of childbirth, but I am afraid I can't…
— Brigitte Bardot
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As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
— Dave Barry
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I wasn't afraid to be laughed at or be loud.
— Lynda Barry
See all 5,719 Afraid Quotes »