"If life deals you lemons, why not go……" — Jack Handey
"If life deals you lemons, why not go kill somone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?"
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Deals Quotes
This quote is filed under Deals Quotes,
one of 4,029 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Jesus did not spend a great deal of time discoursing about the trinity or original sin or the incarnation, which…
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We have a way of dealing with information that has sort of personal - personally identifying information in it. But…
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If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will…
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It takes little talent to see what lies under one's nose, a good deal to know in what direction to…
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My drawings at first were made altogether in watercolors, but they wanted softness and a great deal of finish.
— John James Audubon
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My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation; that…
— Jane Austen
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I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great…
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I had to get out of my record deal that I signed with my previous band and get a full…
— Sebastian Bach
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During my lifetime, I realized that discrimination was not accidental, that there were structural roots and causes to it. So…
— Michelle Bachelet
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High-level, big-deal publicity has a way of getting old for me, but what never fails to thrill me is when…
— Joseph Barbera
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Discretion of speech is more than eloquence, and to speak agreeably to him with whom we deal is more than…
— Francis Bacon
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I really believe that all of us have a lot of darkness in our souls. Anger, rage, fear, sadness. I…
— Kevin Bacon
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