"I remember one day I was at Grandpa's……" — Jack Handey
"I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you." So we did, and there on the ground were my parents having sex."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Asked Quotes
This quote is filed under Asked Quotes,
one of 5,201 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Whether if soul did not exist time would exist or not, is a question that may fairly be asked; for…
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If journalists ask you again and again about the same bands, you'll end up saying you hate them just because…
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To save your world you asked this man to die; would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
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On two occasions I have been asked, 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the…
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No, if it was up to me every record would be brand new studio material but Atlantic records asked me…
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If I were asked to name the chief benefit of the house, I should say: the house shelters day-dreaming, the…
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If I was asked to say what was the greatest invention of human beings, I would say the sentence.
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I learned the songs and played the gigs, and then they called me about a month later. They told me…
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Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of…
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Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.
— Bernard Baruch
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Filibusters have proliferated because under current rules just one or two determined senators can stop the Senate from functioning. Today,…
— Evan Bayh
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Ever since the Greek tragedies, artists have, from time to time, asked themselves how they might influence ongoing political events.
— John Berger
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