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Go Quotes by Jack Handey
- MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the car - I forget what…
- My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our…
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to…
- I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are…
- If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let go, because, they're gone, man. They're gone.
- When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a…
- It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Martha cook up about a hundred drumsticks, the the guy at the…
- When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
- Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring…
- Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and…
- It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running…
- The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some…
- Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around…
- Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go the later you think you are.
- Eventually, I believe, everything evens out. Long ago an asteroid hit our planet and killed our dinosaurs. But in the future, maybe we'll go to…
- If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
- I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in…
- When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
- If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both…
- I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling…
- Whenever I need to "get away", I just get away in my mind. I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and…
- If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch…
- I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling…
- Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that…
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More Go Quotes
- In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism. — Hannah Arendt
- I am a free man. I do not need to copy Petrarca or Boccaccio. My own genius is enough. Let others worry… — Pietro Aretino
- On the field, blacks have been able to be super giants. But, once our playing days are over, this is the end… — Hank Aaron
- I mean there's enormous pressures to harmonize freedom of speech legislation and transparency legislation around the world - within the E.U., between… — Julian Assange
- Writing makes you feel that there is a reason to go on living. If I couldn't write, I would stop breathing. — Paul Auster
- It is all right to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then. — Richard Armour
- Moshing and broken glass just don't go together. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- I'd love to go to art school. I'd love to learn how to draw. I'd love to be fluent in Spanish. I'd… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Set lists are tough because you come up with this structure of how the songs are going to go from one to… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- It's actually amazing because you go so far into another side of your brain when you're studying something completely different, and I… — Dido Armstrong
- I exercise everyday. I swim, I bike, I run and I go to the gym. — Lance Armstrong
- The important achievement of Apollo was demonstrating that humanity is not forever chained to this planet and our visions go rather further… — Neil Armstrong