"The wise man can pick up a grain……" — Jack Handey
"The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around in it until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go hey, I'm Vine Man."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Completely Quotes
This quote is filed under Completely Quotes,
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In fact, I thought that Christianity was very a good and a very valuable thing for us. But after a…
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When things are really dismal, you can laugh, or you can cave in completely.
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Holes in the memory. You grab on to some things, others have completely disappeared.
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If you look at the themes that he struck from the minute he started running for president through today, there…
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A powerful attraction exists, therefore, to the promotion of a study and of duties of all others engrossing the time…
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Literally, if we took away the minimum wage - if conceivably it was gone - we could potentially virtually wipe…
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I've always been attracted to cars, and driving is a completely measurable experience: if you qualify last on the grid,…
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