"Despair is like a cable that is buried……" — Jack Handey
"Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable. Then just walk up to them and go, "Hey, have you seen Fred?" And they'll say, "Fred who?" And you say, "Fred of snakes?" Then cover your ears, because big laughs are coming."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Across Quotes
This quote is filed under Across Quotes,
one of 3,257 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Genres aren't closed boxes. Stuff flows back and forth across the borders all the time.
— Margaret Atwood
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I know that some books and some writers, you can pretty much draw a square around it and say, 'Nobody…
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The School Energy Crisis Relief Act authorizes the Secretary of Energy to issue energy assistance grants to help the poorest…
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A few years ago, I bought an old red bicycle with the words Free Spirit written across its side -…
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According to some Eastern religion, there is a belt that goes across the world, and I've heard that Minnesota is…
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As freedom-loving people across the globe hope for an end to tyranny, we will never forget the enormous suffering of…
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When Whitney Houston died, I felt great sadness. My sadness, of course, was about our collective loss - when you…
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Emigration, forced or chosen, across national frontiers or from village to metropolis, is the quintessential experience of our time.
— John Berger
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The arms race is worse than it ever was, the dumping of creation down a military rat hole is worse…
— Daniel Berrigan
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Philately is normally a boys' hobby but for some reason it was in vogue at my junior school. Between the…
— Sophie Ellis Bextor
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If across the Atlantic the ideology was pride, here it is delivering the goods.
— Theodor Adorno
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But it's not just the cattle producers, it's all the attendant industries like transport and shipping and feed producers and…
— Julie Bishop
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