Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized. — Rich Hall
A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice. — Rich Hall
It is the business of little minds to shrink. — Carl Sandburg
If I don't drive around the park, I'm pretty sure to make my mark. If I'm in bed each night by ten, I may get… — Dorothy Parker
My own dear love, he is strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,… — Dorothy Parker
Into love and out again, Thus I went and thus I go. Spare your voice, and hold your pen: Well and bitterly I know All… — Dorothy Parker
There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh,… — Dorothy Parker
In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble. — Alan Perlis
Black. Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the original color of… — Steven Rubenstein
August. The lines are the shortest, though. — Steven Rubenstein
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. — Steven Rubenstein
There is another theory that states: This has already happened .... — Douglas Adams
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees. — Ronald Reagan
Well, I would - if they realized that we - again if - if we led them back to that stalemate only because our retaliatory… — Ronald Reagan
The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox… — Peter Medawar
Terence, this is stupid stuff: You eat your victuals fast enough; There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear, To see the rate you drink your… — A. E. Housman
This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not. — A. E. Housman
Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled… — A. E. Housman
The pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter. The batter swang and missed. The pitcher flang the ball again and this… — Dizzy Dean
PL/1, the fatal disease, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set. — Edsger Dijkstra
Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit in the park… — John Denver
Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. — Tom Lehrer
He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself. — William S. Paley
The notion of a record is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. — Dennis Ritchie
Several large, artificial constructions are approaching us, ZORAC announced after a short pause. The designs are not familiar, but they are obviously the products of… — James P. Hogan

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: