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Humorous Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
- If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms,…
- Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night.…
- I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just…
- A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
- It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
- Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all…
- There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
- Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to…
More Humorous Quotes
- Wit is educated insolence. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. — Aristotle
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
- I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. — Isaac Asimov
- Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all time low over the world. — Isaac Asimov
- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- Give me chastity and continence, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
- If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. — Tallulah Bankhead
- No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. — Honore de Balzac
- It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty… — Honore de Balzac
- Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. — Douglas Adams