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All Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
- We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee…
- The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on…
- I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all that it should…
- I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy, don't know what…
- What causes homophobia? What is it that makes the heterosexual man worry about this? I think it's because deep down all men know that we…
- To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our…
- The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you win the gold…
- You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When…
- All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'
- We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when the…
- I have a problem with that silver medal. It's like, 'Congratulation s, you almost won. Of all the losers, you're the number one loser. No…
- If people would only *Look to the Cookie* - all our problems would be solved
- Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night.…
- We know the product is going to stink. We know that because we live in the world, and we know that everything stinks. We all…
- Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all…
- You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.
- We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in…
- Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And…
- Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's ripping your ticket…
- Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many…
More All Quotes
- Total loyalty is possible only when fidelity is emptied of all concrete content, from which changes of mind might naturally arise. — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- The ultimate end of human acts is eudaimonia, happiness in the sense of living well, which all men desire; all acts are… — Hannah Arendt
- The new always happens against the overwhelming odds of statistical laws and their probability, which for all practical, everyday purposes amounts to… — Hannah Arendt
- Where all are guilty, no one is; confessions of collective guilt are the best possible safeguard against the discovery of culprits, and… — Hannah Arendt
- We have almost succeeded in leveling all human activities to the common denominator of securing the necessities of life and providing for… — Hannah Arendt
- I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or… — Pietro Aretino
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide