« All Up Quotes · Jerry Seinfeld's Page
Up Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
- I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they…
- Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he…
- Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.
- Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you…
- You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When…
- Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.
- Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.
- I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I get up and…
- Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
- Life is truly a ride. We're all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he's ripping your ticket…
- Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up.…
- You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal…
- A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death…
- Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many…
- Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me.
- It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it.
- Stand-up is hard.
- What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there…
- I went up to the camp and Paul had me eat my first oyster I had never had an oyster in my life. And he…
- I miss being on the stage with the gang, you know, and we would make up stuff sometimes and laugh and I miss writing with…
More Up Quotes
- The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil. — Hannah Arendt
- Successful people don't relax on a chair. They feel relaxed with their work. They sleep with their dreams and wake up with… — Ritu Ghatourey
- All virtue is summed up in dealing justly. — Aristotle
- Do you know how much you mean to me? Do you know that you are the first thing I think of when… — Superman
- Beautician: the official occupation of the 'I wear too much make-up fat girl'. — Nikhil Saluja
- I grew up in a working-class family, so I guess you could say I write from what I know. — Andrea Arnold
- That said, the question remains: how to strike the balance between free speech and mutual respect in this mixed-up world, both blessed… — Timothy Garton Ash
- The Things That Make You Feel Bad, Are The Ones That Will Eventually Go Away, So, You Should Never Give Up Fighting,… — Ritu Ghatourey