Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

He had that rare weird electricity about him - that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned… — Hunter S. Thompson
It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been… — Thomas Bailey Aldrich
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming… — Samuel Foote
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. — J. P. McEvoy
San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. — Herb Caen
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. — Les Aspin
Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. — Miguel de Cervantes
Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. — Roy Ash
A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used. — David Gries
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad. — William Shakespeare
What's in that pipe that he's smoking? — Arlo Guthrie
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? — Brian Boyle
And this is a table ma'am. What in essence it consists of is a horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical columnar supports, which… — Michael Frayn
God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little ... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty ...… — Henry Ward Beecher
If Blake said that, said Father Brian, he never lived in Dublin. — Ray Bradbury
Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it. — Carl Jung
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. — John Mason Brown
But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. — Hilaire Belloc
Life is too transcendentally humorous for a man not to take it seriously. Compared with it, Death is but a shallow jest. — William John Locke
Possibly the only thing we Notekillers place on a higher pedestal than music is laughs, so, of course, we also know that the idea of… — David First
There's a lot of different ways that a song would be a challenge to parody. There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be… — Al Yankovic
I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God's business. — Michael J. Fox
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. — Jeff Foxworthy
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. — Benjamin Franklin
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. — Robert Frost

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: