Humorous Quotes
1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
— Phyllis Diller
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
— Walt Disney
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It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
— Benjamin Disraeli
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I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
— John Donne
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Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the…
— Tommy Douglas
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
— Will Durant
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to…
— Umberto Eco
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
— Thomas A. Edison
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Take motherhood: nobody ever thought of putting it on a moral pedestal until some brash feminists pointed out, about a century ago, that the pay…
— Barbara Ehrenreich
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
— Albert Einstein
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Imagination is more important than knowledge.
— Albert Einstein
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
— Albert Einstein
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
— Albert Einstein
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
— Albert Einstein
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It was the experience of mystery - even if mixed with fear - that engendered religion.
— Albert Einstein
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I guess the more serious you play something, if the context is funny, then it will be funny and it doesn't really require you to…
— Jesse Eisenberg
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
— Dwight D. Eisenhower
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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
— Thomas Stearns Eliot
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
— Paul Erdos
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Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
— Sam Ewing
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The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
— Jimmy Fallon
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Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.
— George Farquhar
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Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
— Jules Feiffer
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The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint.
— James Fenton
Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes
573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: