Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. — Kin Hubbard
All men are equal before fish. — Herbert Hoover
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. — Bob Hope
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. — Bob Hope
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. — Bob Hope
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. — Victor Hugo
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something. — Thomas Huxley
Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick… — Ivan Illich
The Church has always been willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down. — Robert Green Ingersoll
Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business. — Washington Irving
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination. — Christopher Isherwood
Never put a sock in a toaster. — Eddie Izzard
Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver. — William James
The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. — Thomas Jefferson
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper. — Thomas Jefferson
I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always… — Jerome K. Jerome
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. — Jerome K. Jerome
You know, my main reaction to this money thing is that it's humorous, all the attention to it, because it's hardly the most insightful or… — Steve Jobs
Italians come to ruin most generally in three ways, women, gambling, and farming. My family chose the slowest one. — Pope John XXIII
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.' — Lyndon B. Johnson
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. — Samuel Johnson
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. — Erica Jong
Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man. — Erica Jong
It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it. — Joseph Joubert
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. — Carl Jung

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: