Humorous Quotes
- My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. — Groucho Marx
- If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. — Abraham Maslow
- A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. — H. L. Mencken
- The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. — Al McGuire
- A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners. — Mignon McLaughlin
- The name of a man is a numbing blow from which he never recovers. — Marshall McLuhan
- I suppose I look for humor in most situations because it humanizes things; it makes a character much more three-dimensional if there's some kind of… — Colm Meaney
- We do not rejoice in victories. We rejoice when a new kind of cotton is grown and when strawberries bloom in Israel. — Golda Meir
- Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. — H. L. Mencken
- It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. — H. L. Mencken
- Criticism is prejudice made plausible. — H. L. Mencken
- Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. — H. L. Mencken
- The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the… — H. L. Mencken
- Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. — H. L. Mencken
- The cynics are right nine times out of ten. — H. L. Mencken
- Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. — H. L. Mencken
- I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't… — Paul Merton
- I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. — Bette Midler
- When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. — Bette Midler
- There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. — Dennis Miller
- How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. — Spike Milligan
- I can speak Esperanto like a native. — Spike Milligan
- Reality is something you rise above. — Liza Minnelli
- Of all the noises known to man, opera is the most expensive. — Moliere
- Back in the late '90s, I put together a humorous newsmagazine program called 'The Awful Truth' for Bravo. We helped one guy get an organ… — Michael Moore