Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator. — Robert Orben
Part of the reason for the ugliness of adults, in a child's eyes, is that the child is usually looking upwards, and few faces are… — George Orwell
If you gain, you gain all. If you lose, you lose nothing. Wager then, without hesitation, that He exists. — Blaise Pascal
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. — George S. Patton
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood. — George S. Patton
If a man does his best, what else is there? — George S. Patton
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy… — Claude Pepper
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. — Laurence J. Peter
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. — Laurence J. Peter
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other. — Laurence J. Peter
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. — Emo Philips
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. — Emo Philips
Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories? — Emo Philips
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. — Pablo Picasso
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. — Edgar Allan Poe
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater. — Roman Polanski
One lives in the hope of becoming a memory. — Antonio Porchia
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. — Elvis Presley
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. — Mario Puzo
I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican. — Dan Quayle
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. — Ronald Reagan
One picture is worth 1,000 denials. — Ronald Reagan
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? — Ronald Reagan
I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary. — Ronald Reagan
America is not only big and rich, it is mysterious; and its capacity for the humorous or ironical concealment of its interests matches that of… — David Riesman

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: