Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. — George Bernard Shaw
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. — George Bernard Shaw
There is no sincerer love than the love of food. — George Bernard Shaw
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window… — George Bernard Shaw
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me. — George Bernard Shaw
All great truths begin as blasphemies. — George Bernard Shaw
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. — George Bernard Shaw
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. — Brooke Shields
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. — Red Skelton
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. — Logan Pearsall Smith
I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level. — Tori Spelling
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. — Gloria Steinem
Logic is in the eye of the logician. — Gloria Steinem
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. — Casey Stengel
I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we… — Adlai E. Stevenson
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. — Adlai E. Stevenson
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? — W. Clement Stone
It is better to be quotable than to be honest. — Tom Stoppard
There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up. — Rex Stout
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. — Igor Stravinsky
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? — Barbra Streisand
If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. — Thomas Szasz
It's a humorous statement that doesn't mean anything. You can't lie to God - it's ridiculous. — Jimmy Swaggart
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. — Jonathan Swift
Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come. — Rabindranath Tagore

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: