Humorous Quotes
1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors
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By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
— Mark Twain
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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain
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I think serial monogamy says it all.
— Tracey Ullman
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
— Paul Valery
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Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
— Bill Vaughan
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A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
— Bill Vaughan
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It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
— Johnny Vegas
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
— Gore Vidal
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Never have children, only grandchildren.
— Gore Vidal
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There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.
— Peter De Vries
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The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
— Voltaire
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A witty saying proves nothing.
— Voltaire
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When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
— Jane Wagner
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
— H.G. Wells
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
— H.G. Wells
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Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.
— Mae West
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It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when…
— Mae West
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Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
— Mae West
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A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.
— Mae West
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A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
— Mae West
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Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
— Mae West
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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
— Mae West
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Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
— Mae West
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A hard man is good to find.
— Mae West
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Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
— Mae West
Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes
573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: