Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. — Dylan Moran
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect. — Alanis Morissette
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation. — Hector Hugh Munro
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. — Edward R. Murrow
How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception. — Alfred de Musset
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. — Mike Myers
The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. — Friedrich Nietzsche
There are no facts, only interpretations. — Friedrich Nietzsche
Woman was God's second mistake. — Friedrich Nietzsche
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'. — Friedrich Nietzsche
One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly. — Friedrich Nietzsche
If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? — Richard M. Nixon
Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. — Chuck Norris
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the… — P.J. O'Rourke
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. — P.J. O'Rourke
Never fight an inanimate object. — P.J. O'Rourke
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. — P.J. O'Rourke
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd… — P.J. O'Rourke
Clearly, society has a tremendous stake in insisting on a woman's natural fitness for the career of mother: the alternatives are all too expensive. — Ann Oakley
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. — Aristotle Onassis
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. — Robert Orben
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key… — Robert Orben
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. — Robert Orben
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected. — Robert Orben
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. — Robert Orben

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: