Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. — Helen Keller
You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat. — Jackie Kennedy
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. — John F. Kennedy
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it. — John F. Kennedy
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. — Jean Kerr
You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. — Victor Kiam
In business, the competition will bite you if you keep running, if you stand still, they will swallow you. — Victor Kiam
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. — Jason Kidd
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. — Martin Luther King, Jr.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run. — Rudyard Kipling
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. — Henry A. Kissinger
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. — Henry A. Kissinger
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that, if you bore people, they think it's their fault. — Henry A. Kissinger
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. — Henry A. Kissinger
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow as Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me the pot's at the… — Ed Koch
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. — Jonathan Kozol
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. — Irving Kristol
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are… — Ann Landers
An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination. — Andrew Lang
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. — Timothy Leary
We are dealing with the best-educated generation in history. But they've got a brain dressed up with nowhere to go. — Timothy Leary
You're only as good as your last haircut. — Fran Lebowitz
Food is an important part of a balanced diet. — Fran Lebowitz
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. — Fran Lebowitz
Polite conversation is rarely either. — Fran Lebowitz

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: