Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles. — Bob Hope
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease. — Bob Hope
I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far. — Bob Hope
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood. — Bob Hope
English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower. — Bob Hope
Here was my first lesson on the resolutely maintained untidiness and ill-health of the English upper orders. In baggy evening dress and old before their… — Clive James
Dinner was meat - not hunks of meat, as in Australia, but pathetic scraps of meat, as in Britain - which the girls upstairs transformed… — Clive James
In London there was no home cooking worthy of the name. When you were in funds you ate out. But only the people whose faces… — Clive James
In recent years, perhaps encouraged by competition from McDonald's, the British hamburger has become a credit to the nation. At the time of which I… — Clive James
England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English. — Dave Barry
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. — Dave Barry
They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English… — Dave Barry
English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son. — Dave Barry
There is a feeling which persists in England that making a sandwich interesting, attractive, or in any way pleasant to eat is something sinful that… — Douglas Adams
The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead. — George Mikes
When a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut of without much ceremony;… — George Mikes
The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today. — George Mikes
The proverbial Englishman, we know from old chronicler Froissart, takes his pleasures sadly, and the Englishwoman goes a step further and takes her pleasures in… — Jerome K. Jerome
There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. " — Bob Hope
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons. — Bob Hope
Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking. — Bob Hope
In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as… — Honore de Balzac
France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for… — P.J. O'Rourke
Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship. — Dave Barry
Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him… — Groucho Marx

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: