Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of garbage piled up… — Dave Barry
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our… — Erma Bombeck
They (Americans) have their national game, baseball - which is cricket played with a strong American accent - and they have a national language, entirely… — George Mikes
The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work. — George Mikes
It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who make a wonderful… — George Mikes
American radio is the reverse of the Shakespearean stage. In Shakespeare's time the world's greatest dramas were acted with the most primitive technical arrangements; on… — George Mikes
The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan, Italians in Yugoslavia… — George Mikes
America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon… — P.J. O'Rourke
This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans. — P.J. O'Rourke
Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their… — P.J. O'Rourke
West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as sharp as their… — P.J. O'Rourke
The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invented algebra.… — P.J. O'Rourke
The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have… — Sam Levenson
America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and… — Tom Robbins
Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents. — Cynthia Heimel
Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to… — Dave Barry
Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which… — Dave Barry
Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights… — Erma Bombeck
Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked. — Charlie Chaplin
Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers. — Dave Barry
There are also a number of humans living up there (Canada), and in many ways they have a lifestyle quite similar to ours, including such… — Dave Barry
Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like… — Drew Carey
It seems that Canada's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid both of its friends and of complete strangers, and then, once the… — Kevin Myers
I read and learned and fretted more about Canada after I left than I ever did while I was home. I absorbed anything I could… — Will Ferguson
Many Canadian nationalists harbour the bizarre fear that should we ever reject royalty, we would instantly mutate into Americans, as though the Canadian sense of… — Will Ferguson

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: