Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

I really like the Observer. I think I'd love to have a column with a broad reach that would enable me to do some proper… — Toby Young
I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle… — Bill Cosby
I have often been downcast, but never in despair; I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure, romantic and interesting at the same time. In… — Anne Frank
...the wonderful poems interpreting with equal magic the romance of strange lands and times, or the modern soul, naked and unashamed, as if clothed in… — Israel Zangwill
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. — Robert Breault
As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around. — Robert Breault
While I would agree that I write about serious subjects, and that they're not necessarily the most pleasant subjects or even the most pleasant people,… — Ann Beattie
I don't think women's prisons are environments for dance routines, and I don't think mass murder is humorous. — Natalie Merchant
I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life. — Ted Lange
It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on… — Bob Hope
It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead. — Bob Hope
This (French-Kissing) is a really sexy thing to do, according to the French people, although you should bear in mind that they also like to… — Dave Barry
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying… — Dave Barry
Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy,… — Dave Barry
From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train. — George Burns
In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two… — Groucho Marx
If there is not laughter in intimacy, it becomes heavy, burdensome, and dull. At my best moments, the love dialogue I try to carry on… — Andrew Greeley
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of… — Bob Hope
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip. — Bob Hope
The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for… — Dave Barry
This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream. — Dave Barry
A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of… — Dave Barry
Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is,… — Dave Barry
If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life. — Dave Barry
I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around. — Dave Barry

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: