Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling — Robert Breault
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. — Mignon McLaughlin
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. — Mignon McLaughlin
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin
In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. — Joan Didion
An emotional man may possess no humor, but a humorous man usually has deep pockets of emotion, sometimes tucked away or forgotten. — Constance Rourke
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish — Chevy Chase
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' — Ronnie Shakes
Acid is not for every brain .... Only the healthy, happy, wholesome, handsome, hopeful, humorous, high-velocity should seek these experiences. This elitism is totally self-determined.… — Timothy Leary
...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a luminous nose...to the… — Gilbert K. Chesterton
The humorous man recognizes that absolute purity, absolute justice, absolute logic and perfection are beyond human achievement and that men have been able to live… — Brooks Atkinson
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. — Joe Louis
Though she doesn't remember any trauma, she said that her parents told her she cried on a daily basis and her grandmother resorted to passing… — Mila Kunis
Throughout my career, I've always portrayed characters that were humorous, but also weren't afraid to speak their minds, especially when it came to racy or… — Betty White
The best song lyrics seem to me so artful, so brilliant, so warm and humorous, with both passion and wit, that my admiration is matched… — David Lehman
I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted… — Ron Glass
Zeus Is Dead is full of laugh-out-loud moments, lashings of sly wit, moan-worthy puns, and a complex, fast-paced storyline. There aren't very many humorous fantasy… — Jody Lynn Nye
He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I… — Randy Glasbergen
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping. — Milton Berle
The Americans never walk. In winter too cold and in summer too hot. — Jack Butler Yeats
The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage. — Unknown Author
We all operate in two contrasting modes, which might be called open and closed. The open mode is more relaxed, more receptive, more exploratory, more… — John Cleese
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Woody Allen
Sex and religion are closer to each other than either might prefer. — Thomas More

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: