Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson,… — Arthur Conan Doyle
Exactly. She does not shine as a wife even in her own account of what occurred. I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind, as… — Arthur Conan Doyle
I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less… — Arthur Conan Doyle
Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me. — Arthur Conan Doyle
Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can… — Arthur Conan Doyle
Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known.… — Arthur Conan Doyle
We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom… — Arthur Conan Doyle
And yet the motives of women are so inscrutable. You remember the woman at Margate whom I suspected for the same reason. No powder on… — Arthur Conan Doyle
His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there… — Arthur Conan Doyle
I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his — Arthur Conan Doyle
"I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur." — Arthur Conan Doyle
I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt… — Arthur Conan Doyle
Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate. — Arthur Conan Doyle
Goresthorpe Grange is a feudal mansion - or so it was termed in the advertisement which originally brought it under my notice. Its right to… — Arthur Conan Doyle
Brothers are a blessing for one thing. There is no possibility of any young lady getting unreasonably conceited if she be endowed with them. — Arthur Conan Doyle
""Dear girl," continued Bob advancing with an imbecile grin upon his countenance, which he imagined no doubt to be a seductive smile, "fly with me!… — Arthur Conan Doyle
Love has been taken away from the poets, and has been brought within the domain of true science. It may prove to be one of… — Arthur Conan Doyle
He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any… — Arthur Conan Doyle
The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity . . . — Arthur Conan Doyle
The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low… — Arthur Conan Doyle
"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging… — Arthur Conan Doyle
"Dr. Munro, sir," said he, "I am a walking museum. You could fit what ISN'T the matter with me on to the back of a… — Arthur Conan Doyle
Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge… — Arthur Conan Doyle
A fine horse or a beautiful woman, I cannot look at them unmoved, even now when seventy winters have chilled my blood. — Arthur Conan Doyle
My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly… — Arthur Conan Doyle

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: