Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. — Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television. — Fred Allen
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. — Fred Allen
I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President. — Charlie Chaplin
A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time… — Unknown Author
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. — Unknown Author
There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong. — Gilbert K. Chesterton
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. — Winston Churchill
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. — Winston Churchill
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. — Winston Churchill
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often. — Winston Churchill
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. — Winston Churchill
A joke is a very serious thing. — Winston Churchill
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. — Winston Churchill
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. — Winston Churchill
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come… — Winston Churchill
A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability… — Winston Churchill
I am easily satisfied with the very best. — Winston Churchill
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. — Winston Churchill
Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it. — Winston Churchill
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out. — Winston Churchill
In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a… — Winston Churchill
He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. — Winston Churchill
I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod. — Winston Churchill
Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result. — Winston Churchill

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: