Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan,… — Bob Hope
And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war,… — Bob Hope
Golf's really fun in Japan because of the women caddies. ... I saw one guy start out playing alone with his caddie. By the 9th… — Bob Hope
The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And… — Dave Barry
Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school. — Dave Barry
I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the same height as… — Dave Barry
One night in Tokyo we watched two Japanese businessmen saying good-night to each other after what had clearly been a long night of drinking, a… — Dave Barry
Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost. — Dave Barry
Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes. — Dave Barry
The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have… — Dave Barry
The Japanese, implementing a complex, long-term, and ultimately successful strategy to dominate the U S consumer-electronics market, attacked Pearl Harbor. — Dave Barry
The Japanese are human beings like the rest of us, but they will strongly resent this insinuation. — George Mikes
Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States. — George Mikes
It is often said that the Japanese are extremely clean at home, or inside any house or office, but dirty and untidy outside. 'Go and… — George Mikes
If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps. — P.J. O'Rourke
The Russians could have some (warheads) aimed at Japan, so if we act up they can destroy our economy. — P.J. O'Rourke
The Japanese have become so smitten with the Western condiment - its texture as silky as a kimono, its tang as understated as the tang… — Tom Robbins
"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them… — Lewis Carroll
The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try… — Mark Twain
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold. — Bob Hope
Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met. — Erma Bombeck
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird? — George Carlin
At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. — Woody Allen
Perhaps I should have pointed out more often that without her (mother's) guidance and example I might have gone straight from short pants to Long… — Clive James
Only in America do these peasants, our mothers, get their hair dyed platinum at the age of sixty, and walk up and down Collins Avenue… — Philip Roth

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: