Funny Quotes
- You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. — William J. H. Boetcker
- I can't say I ever loved my mother; I admired her. — Humphrey Bogart
- Prediction is very difficult, especially if it's about the future. — Niels Bohr
- Einstein, stop telling God what to do! — Niels Bohr
- I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 96% how I react to it. — Scipio Africanus
- My relationship with everyone in Jamaica is good. — Usain Bolt
- I know what to do and I go and execute. — Usain Bolt
- There are better starters than me but I'm a strong finisher. — Usain Bolt
- Don't get me wrong: I would love to be president. — John Bolton
- I am not a neoconservative. — John Bolton
- I am not a professional politician. — John Bolton
- Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. — Erma Bombeck
- A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. — Erma Bombeck
- When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no.… — Erma Bombeck
- My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares.… — Erma Bombeck
- Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. — Erma Bombeck
- Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. — Erma Bombeck
- Never have more children than you have car windows. — Erma Bombeck
- My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. — Erma Bombeck
- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. — Erma Bombeck
- When humor goes, there goes civilization. — Erma Bombeck
- I'm going to go down swinging... I'm sure as heck not going to go home and say I had a bad tournament. — Andre Agassi
- I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. — Erma Bombeck
- For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties… — Erma Bombeck
- People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll… — Erma Bombeck