Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Happiness is obsolete: uneconomic. — Theodor Adorno
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. — Ambrose Bierce
When you doubt, abstain. — Ambrose Bierce
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. — Ambrose Bierce
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. — Ambrose Bierce
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. — Ambrose Bierce
The covers of this book are too far apart. — Ambrose Bierce
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. — Ambrose Bierce
I can't stand outside myself and be anybody else. — Kathryn Bigelow
I did a pilot for Anything But Love in 1988 that didn't sell. — Kathryn Bigelow
I do have to say I have been very fortunate. — Kathryn Bigelow
I like high impact movies. — Kathryn Bigelow
Audiences are audiences. — Theodore Bikel
I always sang, I always acted, I always played. — Theodore Bikel
The specific is not exclusive: it lacks the aspiration to totality. — Theodor Adorno
I began to think my time had come, as the saying is. — Buffalo Bill
There is no love that is not an echo. — Theodor Adorno
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. — Josh Billings
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. — Josh Billings
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. — Josh Billings
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. — Josh Billings
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. — Josh Billings
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. — Josh Billings
Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined. — Josh Billings
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. — Josh Billings

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: