Nikhil Saluja

Every time I see a dude wearing jeans with rips at the knee, I assume the rips came from sucking a lot…

— Nikhil Saluja

Failure doesnt mean you should give up¦¦ it does mean you should try harder!

— Nikhil Saluja

I am only making friends so I can have something to tweet about.

— Nikhil Saluja

Someone told me I should run for president. Dont you think that weve had enough boobs in the White House?

— Nikhil Saluja

When the heart starts functioning for someone, the brain starts malfunctioning too much.

— Nikhil Saluja

Amazing Home Remedies: Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hug your girl, kiss her forehead, and don't let her communicate with dudes with more muscles than you.

— Nikhil Saluja

If someone is mad at you and you have no idea why, that means they are crazy. Or a girl.

— Nikhil Saluja

Fuck mornings. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't deal with sleep, sex, or beer.

— Nikhil Saluja

I really hate when people close their curtains. Especially when I'm on a tree trying to peak in with my binoculars.

— Nikhil Saluja

There's no place like home. Especially when we're talking about The best place to take a shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I get drunk enough and lay on the floor, the world really does revolve around me.

— Nikhil Saluja

First come first serve is irrelevant when you show up with an AK-47.

— Nikhil Saluja

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't know why people hate on drunk drivers, Women drivers are clearly more dangerous behind the wheel.

— Nikhil Saluja

School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

— Nikhil Saluja

My therapist thinks I'm a drama queen. OMG! She totally hates me!

— Nikhil Saluja

Hey that's not fair! - A dumb bitch realizing she got bad directions to the fair.

— Nikhil Saluja

There is nothing like love in this world unless you experience it.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you don't want me to talk about your boobs you should probably let me know.

— Nikhil Saluja

All women are witches, but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will probably spare you from black…

— Nikhil Saluja

How to Piss Off A Woman : Fake your own orgasm while dining out.

— Nikhil Saluja

Are you fucking kidding me? - Professional photographers on Instagram

— Nikhil Saluja

If you don't know the difference between 'than' and 'then', then you're a fucking idiot.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm am an expert at reading lips especially when it's not moving.

— Nikhil Saluja

Farting in the taxi makes the driver get you to your destination the fastest.

— Nikhil Saluja

When your girlfriend says, you can tell me anything, she's really saying, I'm going to tell this to my next boyfriend.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I see a guy wearing skinny jeans, I automatically judge it was a gift from his boyfriend.

— Nikhil Saluja

I star you, you star me, we're a happy family! -This is what I'm usually singing while starring your tweets, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

Difficulties come into our lives when GOD is trying to, Teach Us, Lead Us, or Improve Us!

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl calls me a pussy my penis will fuck her up, cause it's one hardcore mother fucker.

— Nikhil Saluja

Learned from my dentist that mouthwash is actually useless(you can't commit suicide with it)

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies: if your boyfriend doesn't fuck you with his Crocs on, you ain't shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

Its a little hard to choose one option, between sleeping and Internet..!

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement;

— Nikhil Saluja

My condolences on all the small talk you must endure because of your desk's proximity to the elevator.

— Nikhil Saluja

How to Piss Off A Woman : Imitate her having an orgasm while dining out.

— Nikhil Saluja