“I loved her so much, but she vanished from my life. She didn’t just suddenly disappear, but she slowly began losing her… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I’m a patriotic pilot. I know how to fly a flag. Of course I don’t fly anything anymore, not after my boating… — Jarod Kintz Patriotism Copy Share Image
“I’m a lion in my environment. But take me out of my cage, and I’m a lamb.” — Jarod Kintz Environment Copy Share Image
“Some of the vitamins I take are the size of jumbo jets, though they only pack about half the power.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I feel like my old self. Especially since I feel like I’m developing dementia.” — Jarod Kintz Old self Copy Share Image
“Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: Would you rather be the first female U.S. President, the first woman to walk on the moon, or… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I collect collect calls from the 80s. I prefer them in mint condition, meaning the phone's still ringing.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“1-12, how many Decembers does it take to sell thirteen to Mr. Fourteen and Mr. Months? Depends on how much love you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am not the No Factory I yessed into existence. I love with an intensity that needs to be felt to be… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“Last night as I was driving home, I ran over a guy in a wheelchair. But it’s OK—he was already paralyzed.” — Jarod Kintz Driving home Copy Share Image
“Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate while wearing boxing gloves? It gives a whole new meaning to “beating my… — Jarod Kintz Boxing Copy Share Image
“Reflecting on myself—it can be introspective, depending on if I’m standing in front of a mirror at that moment or not.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“If you're looking to take a long, beautiful drive through life, you might not want to take the cynic view.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“She asked if I found what she was telling me very exciting, and I managed to yelp out “very” while yawning.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We agreed to meet at 4. I meant AM and she meant PM, so we both just stood around thinking we’d been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you’re as ugly as I am, you need all the beauty sleep you can get. I’ll be in the restroom resting… — Jarod Kintz Beauty Copy Share Image
“I like to feel like just one of the guys. Especially when I hang out with the girls.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can build with brick, and you can also destroy with a brick. ” — Jarod Kintz Engineering Copy Share Image
“Amy, she’s got a memory like an elephant, and a body like a meow.” — Jarod Kintz Memory Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to paint a mural of your favorite politician. It doesn’t matter how accurate it is, just so… — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You said you were leaving me, and I said, “When are you coming back?” You said,… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“My reputation precedes me. It shows up about fifteen minutes before I do, eats, and then leaves without paying or tipping.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“If you’re wearing a space suit, I’ll take a unicrescent sandwich; hold the mayonnaise—and the moon. (But don’t hold it in your… — Jarod Kintz Space Copy Share Image
“Artists have to have a good eye. And to be great, I'd recommend having two.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, because you really bummed me out, man. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think homeless people, like rainwater, are better off in street gutters, rather than just hanging out on my roof.” — Jarod Kintz Homeless people Copy Share Image
“I want to drown in all the ink used to write positive things about my clone and how great he is.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream.… — Jarod Kintz Ice cream Copy Share Image
“This is what I believe to be the progress of a writer. You write 10 things, of which one of them will… — Jarod Kintz Growth Copy Share Image
“I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“My dream as a boy was to write a coloring book, but the nagging problem was always, How do you write a… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
