The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The owner of a Florida massage parlor has been arrested by police. "There weren't any serious violations," said the officers, "she just… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I set out to become a comedian, and I said in order to do that the first thing I'll do is become… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Someone once said, if you scratch a cynic, and you'll find a disappointed idealist. That really rang a bell with me -… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Someone said, and rightfully, that "property is theft'." There's no way a man can stand and tell me that he owns an… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? They're always people who tell us to live together in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Abraham Maslow said that the fully realized person transcends his local group and identifies with the species. But the election of Ronald… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
