Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don’t get me wrong. Being a mom is no picnic. Raising the kids is the mother’s responsibility. It’s a thankless, solitary job,… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Last night, we did the Threatdown -- God, it's hard to even talk about this -- and for the first time, I… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children:… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
