“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was kind of sweet kid, according my mother, and my recollections. Thoughtful and good, but kind of alone - although I… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy is grievances. It's a recitation of grievances - whether they're inconsequential, superficial - like "my wife shops too much", or "kids… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When I was in seventh grade, I was caught stealing money from the visiting team's locker room during a basketball game. So… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
![“[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.” quote by George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1f9/george-carlin-155_1930s_on-school-uniforms-don-t-these-schools-d_1318367.jpg)
