I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I also survived circumcision, a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
