“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were trying to understand the nature of nature, and I was trying to understand understanding.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I walked in on two of my clones having sex, I’d think it was gay, incestuous, and just plain rude to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Me mating with a midget is like a skyscraper having sex with a cathedral. But still I’d like to try. Just not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love has a glow, like a neon light having sex with a pack of hi-lighters, only not quite as quaint.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I’m having sex during an earthquake, would I get a refund on all those quarters I just put in the vibrating… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
