“In sum," Midlife said, giving the room his best you-the-jury baritone, "Our defense will be...?" He looked to Matt for the answer/… — Harlan Coben Copy Share Image
Nevertheless, in order to imbue civilization with sound principles and enliven it with the spirit of the gospel, it is not enough… — Pope John XXIII Copy Share Image
People keep saying that I'm lucky to be naturally funny, that I don't have to work at it. They are wrong. I… — Bob Crane Copy Share Image
I have complained to our administration about working the professional attitude of a corrupt officer. Feedback from administration was amazing. Youre terminated.… — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
“You don’t like my restaurant, Miss Connor?” “I couldn’t say since the waiting list to get in is six months long.” One… — Jenny Lyn Copy Share Image
As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I am a great believer that your humor is developed at a very early age, and it doesn't ever change. You're basically… — James Bobin Copy Share Image
Funny bones, to me, are more important than funny lines. If a comedian is just not likable and doing the lines, you… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much. — Baron Barnett Joel Barnett Copy Share Image
I long for the day when we can all be ourselves, whoever we are, and express ourselves in whatever way we like,… — Cressida Dick Copy Share Image
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family? — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
I love the ones who are in my life and make it amazing. I also love the ones who left my life… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
During college is when I started really watching 'SNL' consistently. Every Saturday night, I watched, and it made me be like, Man,… — Quinta Brunson Copy Share Image
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“El Paso,” Andrej echoed slowly. “You do know there’s nothing in El Paso but dust, heat, and illegal aliens, right?” — J. Fally Copy Share Image
The rest of all the acts of Asa, and all his might, and all that he did, and the cities which he… — Bible Copy Share Image
Ignoring fame was my rebellion, in a funny way. I was insistent on being normal and doing normal things. It probably wasn't… — Emma Watson Copy Share Image
Tum aasmaan me hoTum zameen par hoTum pani me hoTum hawa me hoTum meri rooh me hoTum mere haatho me hoTum mere… — Aakash Pattanayak Copy Share Image
The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We've all got problems. The levels… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
My teacher told me to shoot for the stars, you can be anything. I told him if I do that I would… — Livefree2dream44 Copy Share Image
“Listen, Harr,y can I have a go on it? Can I?" "I don't think anyone should ride that broom just yet!" said… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
Give a compliment to a fat chick today, she'll literally remember you until the day she dies... Because elephants never forget. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People who know my music are like 'Yo, that's Steve G-Lover rapping this 'Paper Boi' song. It's hot. I need this song.'… — Stephen Glover Copy Share Image
Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to Fifteen go to work. Or, as it's… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was… — Jack Paar Copy Share Image
“He sent Eliza a small smile before turning to Lawrence. "What say you and I return to the hotel for a bit?… — Jen Turano Copy Share Image
When you are 15, everything is such high stakes, even tiny things. I think because of that, it is funny but sad… — Sophie Wu Copy Share Image
“She seemed to feed on their laughter, and they on her humor, like the lily of the pond—sustained by the very water… — Molly Collier Copy Share Image
Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse,… — Asheya Copy Share Image
I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit'… — Judy Gold Copy Share Image
I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
“Scheide,'Noah said. I decided to give the drink another shot. 'What does that mean?' I asked, then sipped. 'Vagina' I almost choked,… — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
Actors are a great subject for a comedy. They're inherently funny because, like sportsmen, they take themselves so seriously. — Matt Berry Copy Share Image
You're really playing against yourself. You have to learn what you can control and what you can't, and not let what you… — Mike Richter Copy Share Image
Many regard freemasonry as an 18th-century boys' club, all funny aprons and comedic handshakes. That's good for the masons themselves, but it's… — Dawn Foster Copy Share Image
'Bridesmaids,' I think, opened up a door to allow women to show a bunch of different women in different ways of being… — Kay Cannon Copy Share Image
If a man….who’s playing in front of the public, is being well paid, and he doesn’t dedicate himself to the job, I’d… — Bill Shankly Copy Share Image
I don't really find things funny unless they're deeply tragic at the same time. I think if you're funny just for the… — Lee Hall Copy Share Image
Whats the difference between a bomb and a condom..?! n a bomb blast population decreases but in a condom blast population increases.. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image