Funny Quotes · Page 78

Nothing is ever too far... you just have to buy a car.

— Ghassan El-labadi

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.

— Chelsea Handler

Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?

— Ron Alderson

How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize?

— Penn Jillette

Don't push growth; remove the factors limiting growth.

— Peter Senge

I'm just here to spray and pray.

— Tom Smallwood

Do you recognise me?" he asked. Willie looked hard and considered before finally replying "Lie down so I can recognise you.

— Willie Pep

I will always love the false image I had of you.

— Ashleigh Brilliant

Stop focusing on what you cant do, focus on what God can do.

— Joel Osteen

Whenever I get sad I just imagine a T-Rex trying to put a hat on.

— Anonymous

“Women will buy products in an attempt to become the impossible goal. Men will buy products in an attempt to mate with…

— David McRaney

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

— Joe Theismann

No one goes through life with a whole heart.

— Nalini Singh

Now I'm just like everybody else, and it's so funny, the way monogamy is funny, the way someone falling down in the…

— Jeffrey McDaniel

Hey you.Fix your corrupted mind before you trying to fix me! You sucks. Yes.

— Farishta

No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on!

— Anonymous

For when I can love all of me, I will love all of you.

— Debbie Ford

I don't know about them, but I sure am. I'm out for revenge.

— Bob Thomason

“She is so funny, stubborn and selfish; and that makes her so special.”

— M.F. Moonzajer

The painting is usually finished before you are.

— Rex Brandt

Y'all should be happy for me. It's funny, compared to my peers, my catalog isn't even that big, but I'm still getting…

— Saweetie

I have brought you to the revel, now dance if you can!

— William Wallace

If I was any more on edge, I'd be Bono...

— Andy Samberg

The best part of a Reg Hartt presentation is what he has to say.

— Jane Jacobs

Imagine the world without sex.

— Anonymous

Build a life. Don’t live one!

— Ashton Kutcher

Everything I do is Mingus.

— Charles Mingus

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why…

— Steven Wright

I never said I wanted to be perfect, I just want to be good enough for you.

— Green Monk

If Diane Modahl was 40 times over the testosterone limit she'd have a deep voice and we'd all be calling her Barry White.

— Tony Jarrett

A girl works out. The woman works you out. In bed.

— Nikhil Saluja

A lot can be told from what happens in between the main moments.

— Annie Leibovitz

Starring at a text for 5 minutes trying to figure out how to replywhile thinking, damn it's a goodthing we aren't talking…

— Anonymous

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

— Woody Allen

We will only truly be free when those in bondage are finally free

— Desmond Tutu

You gotta have the balls to go out there and be funny, man.

— Jamie Foxx

Girls love to fish,

— Amit Verma

It's funny, you'll probably find me more often watching soccer than a football game, because I get enough football in my daily…

— Eric Reid

...I'm not an artist, but Happy Valentines Day!!!

— Kylie

People be famous for everything other than music and that's what they really trying to do. But they don't know once you…

— Blueface