Now I know why they call them pay stubs. My take home pay has been amputated. Thanks Obama. — Rudy Espinoza Amputee Copy Share Image
My 3 favorite activities: 1. Drinking 2. Golf 3. Sex ~ I rely very heavily on my right hand for all three. — Rudy Espinoza Alcohol Copy Share Image
If I were a teacher, I wouldn't just test the student mind ... I would test the entire student body. — Rudy Espinoza Psychology Copy Share Image
Using Myspace is like my sex life. It's just me doing it by myself. — Rudy Espinoza Life Copy Share Image
Happy Valentine's Day. Hope you're spending the evening with someone special. Or at least with some one who doesn't stink. — Rudy Espinoza Evening Copy Share Image
I like to play hide and seek with my inner child. And when I find him I beat him with a stick. — Rudy Espinoza Beat Copy Share Image
My imaginary girlfriend's giving up sex for Lent. Palm Sunday's taking on a whole new meaning for me. — Rudy Espinoza Abstinence Copy Share Image
Im working on a pop-up book called, That Explains the Birds and the Bees. — Rudy Espinoza Bees Copy Share Image
I used to play Another One Bites The Dust after every conquest. But I'm old now so I'm changing it to Another… — Rudy Espinoza Age Copy Share Image
When I'm stalking my exes on Facebook, sometimes I think, 'I should have never let her go.'...but most times I think, 'She… — Rudy Espinoza Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
If Obama had his way no one would win a football game. Each score would be distributed equally and everyone gets a… — Rudy Espinoza Ball game Copy Share Image
Why do people want to be gay married? If I get married again, I'm changing the vows from Til Death Do Us… — Rudy Espinoza Gay marriage Copy Share Image
Did you notice all of the cops pulling people over and writing tickets in the freezing weather this morning? Neither did I … — Rudy Espinoza Chicago Copy Share Image
Remember that super skinny dude from Freddy Got Fingered who got so drunk that he couldn't feel his legs? Well, now he's… — Rudy Espinoza Christopher reeve Copy Share Image
I extend my condolences to those who have lost a loved one by saying, Good mourning. — Rudy Espinoza Condolences Copy Share Image
She: What's your sign? Me: Liquor Up Front. Poker In The Rear. — Rudy Espinoza Liquor Copy Share Image
When people ask me, How the hell did you score that chick? I say, If she's dumb enough to love me, I'm… — Rudy Espinoza Beast Copy Share Image
She: What do you really want from me? Me: I really want you to lower your standards so I can climb on… — Rudy Espinoza Climb Copy Share Image
The tragedy of being an underachiever is that I know what I should be, but reality keeps telling me that I'm wrong. — Rudy Espinoza Being wrong Copy Share Image
When people call me a creep, I don''t take it as an insult. I wear that label proudly. I don't want to… — Rudy Espinoza Creep Copy Share Image
America - where people get more worked up over a bicyclist's lies than a president's lies. — Rudy Espinoza America Copy Share Image
Why are people surprised that 49er Chris Culliver made anti-gay remarks. Men say much worse things in male-dominated arenas. — Rudy Espinoza Anti gay Copy Share Image
The lobster screamed when she dropped it into the boiling water. There was a cruel sexiness about the way that made her… — Rudy Espinoza Boiling water Copy Share Image
She has pretentious conversations about art house films. I have pretentious conversations about porno clips. We were doomed from the start … — Rudy Espinoza Art Copy Share Image
The Lingerie Football League is changing their name to Legends. No more lingerie. They will play in bra and panties instead. It's… — Rudy Espinoza Bra Copy Share Image
Olympic double amputee Oscar Pistorius was arrested and charged with killing his girlfriend today. It looks pretty cut and dried and he… — Rudy Espinoza Amputee Copy Share Image
When my erection lasts for more than 4 hours after taking Viagra, I don't go see a doctor, I go see a… — Rudy Espinoza Antidote Copy Share Image
She: What are you thinking about? Me: I'm thinking that I'll never be able to watch all of the porn I've downloaded… — Rudy Espinoza Computers Copy Share Image
I want a friend named Gertrude so I can walk into the supermarket with her and yell, Yo Gert, when we are… — Rudy Espinoza Friendship Copy Share Image
I lift my restraining order against sobriety for 40 days each Lent. I miss you alcohol. — Rudy Espinoza Alcohol Copy Share Image
