Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When you discover that all happiness is inside you, the wanting and needing are over, and life gets very exciting. — Byron Katie Copy Share Image
Micro humor is a joke that's contained in the writing: it's a punch line, it's a turn of phrase, it's something that… — Susanna Fogel Copy Share Image
Im a musician first, a food-lover second, a dirty mouth with feet, and a girl last time I checked. — Tori Amos Copy Share Image
Now understands, the reason he cant find his car keys is because he doesnt have a car. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
When I don’t understand, I have an unbearable itch to know why. — Robert A. Heinlein Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about losing your short term memory is.... 'Happy Birthday' Yes it's someone's Happy Birthday isn't o_O — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“The good man believed that shortsighted people were also deaf and that their spectacles would become clearer if their ears heard more… — Joseph Roth Copy Share Image
It's very important to know when you're in a pissing match. And it's very important to get out of it as quickly… — Randy Pausch Copy Share Image
“vers libre," (free verse) or nine-tenths of it, is not a new metre any more than sleeping in a ditch is a… — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“How many beers do y'all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, 'Dude, bet you twenty bucks… — Robyn Schneider Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when… — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
“He'd make her work so hard that a job as a cardboard-box presser at the margerine factory would seem like paradise.” — Jussi Adler-Olsen Copy Share Image
When someone says they love you don't just take their word for it, it'll be written all over the way they're treating… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I believe that sex is the beautiful thing between two people.Between five it is fantastic. — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
Shitday, shitday, shitday, shitday, Friday! Saturday! Sunday! and shitday again. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
That moment when you hear your own voice recorded and think...omg I sound horrible.. — Abhishek Ghosh Copy Share Image
In TV writing, Armando Iannucci's satire 'The Thick of It' is brilliant - equal parts hysterically funny, terrifyingly believable, and Oh-my-God-I-can't-believe-he-actually-said-that -… — Tana French Copy Share Image
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to… — Asheya Copy Share Image
AKLGJFSFASKLFJK íASL. OHMYGOD. i missed the Believe ticket sale, but my town is lame and doesn'thave many beliebers SOOO I canget floor… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“But you won’t abdicate." Of course not. It’s my duty to go on, to maintain the line. I can’t possibly fail in… — Mark Helprin Copy Share Image
