Facebook Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 21

If I was an octopus, I would check my emails while I feed myself while I pick my nose while I masturbate…

— Nikhil Saluja

Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

— Nikhil Saluja

The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%....per boob.

— Nikhil Saluja

Idiots don't know they are idiots, I know I am an idiot therefore I am not an idiot ;)

— Nikhil Saluja

If I was a serial killer I'd use my knife to make strangers kiss in front of me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

I lost her at stop telling me about your funny tweets

— Nikhil Saluja

Just converted to a new religion. It's called idontgiveafuckism.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;

— Nikhil Saluja

WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

— Nikhil Saluja

If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge...

— Nikhil Saluja

Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman goes to a palm reader and hears that her husband will die a violent death. She asks, Will I be…

— Nikhil Saluja

A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush.

— Nikhil Saluja

He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes We ignore the obvious because we get too caught up in being hopeful.

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute. But when you mess up a GIRL'S hair... I hope you…

— Nikhil Saluja

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me.

— Nikhil Saluja

When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cellphones are like a dog's nipples. You don't have to shout into them!

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The triumph of imagination over intelligence;

— Nikhil Saluja