Facebook Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 22

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't always tweet when I'm drunk, but when I do, it's when I'm visiting my family.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE LICENSE, is the only permit taken out after the hunt is over

— Nikhil Saluja

When a woman agrees to give her husband head for no reason --- there is a reason.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the INTERIOR DECORATOR says, Once it's in, you'll love it

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or…

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're not following me yet, hopefully reading this tweet will convince you.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're ever feeling down, just remember that I'll always be there to feel you up.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you try to be different, you are being like everyone else. Being yourself is what makes you different.

— Nikhil Saluja

The best thing that can happen to a couple married for fifty years or more is that they both grow nearsighted together.

— Nikhil Saluja

I asked a lady on the street for directions. I know women have no sense of direction, I just wanted to look…

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman who springs on innerspring this spring, gets offspring next spring.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can't spell love without I want to jump off a fucking bridge.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be…

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't have a great sense of humor, but I do have a great sense of nonsense.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes, the only thing left to do is to let go even if it's the hardest thing to do.

— Nikhil Saluja

In my version of volleyball I use my legs and also don't play volleyball.

— Nikhil Saluja

Joan Rivers turned into one of the people she used to make fun of.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Honest, I only meant to rough him up a bit.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A great comfort during her husband's troubles -- those, that as a bachelor, he would never have had;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'd be a great mattress salesman coz I love removing pants for no reason and spending all day looking at porn.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing

— Nikhil Saluja

She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've never killed an unfollower but I should definitely take a shot at it.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a girl says have fun She means have a horrible time without me. Not true... Maybe!

— Nikhil Saluja

You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher.

— Nikhil Saluja

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we dont talk, he works out alone, and I go home.

— Nikhil Saluja

BLOODY HELL FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMNIT I RIPPED MY KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON POSTER!

— Nikhil Saluja

A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel like today is going to be a good day but I am bringing my shotgun just in case.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Third party auditor is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women love sex in the dark because they can't stand to see a man have a good time.

— Nikhil Saluja

The hardest thing about losing your short term memory is… 'Happy Birthday' Yes it's someone's Happy Birthday isn't o_O

— Nikhil Saluja

Everything is forgivable if you leave after a one night stand, as long as you were good in bed.

— Nikhil Saluja

I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream.

— Nikhil Saluja