Dad Quotes by Jarod Kintz

11 Dad quotes by Jarod Kintz

These eleven quotes let Jarod Kintz articulate his feelings about fatherhood, ranging from tender moments to the everyday challenges. The set feels like a personal notebook shared with readers.

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“I’m probably infertile. I inherited it from my dad.”

Jarod Kintz

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“Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday.”

Jarod Kintz

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“I had a great view of the sunset. At least until father went and changed the channel. Dammit, dad!”

Jarod Kintz

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“Not only am I not my dad’s favorite child—I’m his only child.”

Jarod Kintz

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“I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.”

Jarod Kintz

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“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would…

Jarod Kintz

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“A brick could be used as a substitute for my father. I hate to admit it, but I think a brick would…

Jarod Kintz

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“My dad always used to tell me __________________. My dad never told me anything. He had nothing to say, and even less…

Jarod Kintz

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“I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’s not my dad at all,…

Jarod Kintz

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“I really relate to you,” I said to my dad. “I can tell we’re in the same boat, because I’m rowing.” When…

Jarod Kintz

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“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a…

Jarod Kintz

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“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”

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“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

Jarod Kintz

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“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…

Jarod Kintz

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“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…

Jarod Kintz

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“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”

Jarod Kintz

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“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…

Jarod Kintz

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“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”

Jarod Kintz

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“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”

Jarod Kintz

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“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”

Jarod Kintz

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“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”

Jarod Kintz

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“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…

Jarod Kintz

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“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…

Jarod Kintz

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“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”

Jarod Kintz

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“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing…

Jarod Kintz

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“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”

Jarod Kintz

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