Dad Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

11 Dad quotes by Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan brings his trademark humor to the everyday quirks of being a dad. These eleven snippets capture his playful observations and the relatable moments that make family life both chaotic and charming.

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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Jim Gaffigan

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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.

Jim Gaffigan

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All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.

Jim Gaffigan

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I was the youngest of the six kids, and to make my older siblings laugh, that was very important. I did a…

Jim Gaffigan

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Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which…

Jim Gaffigan

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If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after…

Jim Gaffigan

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My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, "Dad Is Fat." And in the book, I was encouraged…

Jim Gaffigan

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As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like,…

Jim Gaffigan

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“By today’s standards, my dad wouldn’t be considered the greatest dad, and I’m sure his dad wouldn’t be considered the greatest dad…

Jim Gaffigan

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“As a dad, you are Vice President. You are part of the Executive Branch of the family, but you are the partner…

Jim Gaffigan

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We all take Mother's Day seriously and then it's like a month later, a bunch of kids get together and say, "I…

Jim Gaffigan

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“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”

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Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work…

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I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing…

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Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

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“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,…

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I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll…

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Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,…

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Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

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I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm…

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“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday…

Jim Gaffigan

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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

Jim Gaffigan

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I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

Jim Gaffigan

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“Being a parent is a selfless adventure. The worldview of “Take care of yourself first” is no longer logical to a sane person if…

Jim Gaffigan

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“Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going…

Jim Gaffigan

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Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.

Jim Gaffigan

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