Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, "Dad Is Fat." And in the book, I was encouraged… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I was the youngest of the six kids, and to make my older siblings laugh, that was very important. I did a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
We all take Mother's Day seriously and then it's like a month later, a bunch of kids get together and say, "I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“By today’s standards, my dad wouldn’t be considered the greatest dad, and I’m sure his dad wouldn’t be considered the greatest dad… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“As a dad, you are Vice President. You are part of the Executive Branch of the family, but you are the partner… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
