Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If we went by the world's definition of who I'm supposed to be because I look weird 'Well, surely, this guy can't… — Nick Vujicic Copy Share Image
I knew a witty physician who found theology in the biliary duct, and used to affirm that if there was a disease… — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
Michael Pitt is amazing. His physical comedy is extraordinary; he's so committed and so willing to play within the scenes. It makes… — Nina Arianda Copy Share Image
“I'm already seeing my daughter's cynical sense of humor and she's 6! I bought these shoes, and I'm thinking I'm a cool… — Steve Carell Copy Share Image
“I just... I understand you might want to start dating more seriously, and that means dating someone from town. But if you're… — Kelley Armstrong Copy Share Image
“Once you even acknowledge that there is a line, that there are things you shouldn’t be allowed to joke about, that there… — Al Franken Copy Share Image
“So, you don’t drink much,” he said. “What about food?” “No, I don’t eat food. I tried it once a long time… — Mary Abshire Copy Share Image
“This is the sixty-nine,” I told him, presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers—two of them —on the… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
They don't make you pay for the humor. It's up and down, but they're trying to give you as many laughs as… — Mike Judge Copy Share Image
Both law and comedy are heavily focused on thought and viewing all angles. To write a good joke, you have to look… — Troy Walker Copy Share Image
“Hermes smiled. "I knew a boy once ... oh, younger than you by far. A mere baby, really." Here we go again… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“Too bad I don't want to be an actress. Or a reality TV-star or something,'Quinn said. 'This would be such a great… — Jennifer E. Smith This is what happy looks like Copy Share Image
I did it a little bit in college, but now I've been doing it more. But yeah, it's not, I think you… — Chris Baio Copy Share Image
“They say that time is relative. I think the way it's treating me it's a distant one, maybe a bad uncle, and… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
If you tell the reader it's funny, then the audience is like an audience at a stand-up comedy club and they expect… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“In short, he was a dope. He often looked to Yossarian like one of those people hanging around modern museums with both… — Joseph Heller Copy Share Image
“as to try to interest me about the less carnivora, when I know of what is before me." "I see," I said.… — Bram Stoker Copy Share Image
“That beautiful scarred face, the damaged voice, his kindness and humor, all of it made up this man who looked at her… — T.A. Grey Copy Share Image
A lot of stand-up comedy is embarrassing: too many idiots doing it in orange neckties against brick walls. I find most sitcoms… — Tracey Ullman Copy Share Image
“Some sleepers have intelligent faces even in sleep, while other faces, even intelligent ones, become very stupid in sleep and therefore ridiculous.… — Fyodor Dostoevsky Copy Share Image
I was doing a college show for the first time, and there was this 20-year-old gay male who's been diabetic his entire… — Jessica Williams Copy Share Image
I didn't know if I could be funny on stage or write a joke. But I saw that there are no rules.… — Kumail Nanjiani Copy Share Image
“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion,… — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
“Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won’t sparkle in… — Nick Shamhart Copy Share Image
Religion is a personal, private matter and parents, not public school officials, should decide their children's religious training. We should not have… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
Good-humor, gay spirits, are the liberators, the sure cure for spleen and melancholy. Deeper than tears, these irradiate the tophets with their… — Amos Bronson Alcott Copy Share Image
You can't really do comedy if you're working with Ryan Reynolds, eh? He outplays everyone in that field, so I couldn't really… — Julian Dennison Copy Share Image
“Lanie, you live 15 minutes away from your office and you get there at eight. Over two hours every day just to… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
On 'Adam Ruins Everything' we do the broadest sketch comedy possible. We do stuff where you can see it immediately and know… — Adam Conover Copy Share Image
“And what renders him so unmarriageable?” Eloise asked. Francesca leveled a serious stare at her older sister. Eloise was mad if she… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
“Believe it or not working in libraries is very similar to working on an ambulance or a fire truck. You take care… — Lori Reed Copy Share Image
“Goodness gracious me,' exclaimed Alexia, 'what are you wearing? It looks like the unfortunate progeny of an illicit union between a pair… — Gail Carriger Copy Share Image
“They sent the shrink round yesterday. He's put me on Prozac. Prozac! He thinks I'm depressed.' 'Aren't you depressed?' 'I wasn't depressed.'… — Gavin Extence Copy Share Image
My senior year of high school, I was voted 'Wittiest.' So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing… — Barbara Park Copy Share Image
As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England… — Jenny Eclair Copy Share Image
Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
“Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
There wasn't a big tradition of comedy at Dartmouth. More than that, there wasn't really anything artsy going on in Hanover, or… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
For whatever reason, I think we have one type of animated movie and it's so wrong. I want to do a drama,… — Genndy Tartakovsky Copy Share Image
![“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.” quote by Matt Groening](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/1f3/matt-groening-1946_homer-simpson_ned-flanders-well-looks-like-someone-s-h_2456837.jpg)
