Humor Quotes · Page 63

I've done the Hoboken Comedy Festival. It's cool.

— Andrew Schulz

Comedy is an art which is extremely difficult to deliver.

— Johnny Lever

“The problem with all politicians is that they are human.”

— Steven Ivy - Attorney Entrepreneur

“My type? What, a female between eighteen and sixty?”

— Caspar Vega

You may be witty, but not satirical.

— Horace Greeley

I love comedy and I'll never give it up.

— Suraj Venjaramood

“No one can know your strength and weakness better than yourself.”

— Rahul Kumar Tilwani

“It's always funny until someone loses a testicle.”

— Bob N. Boguslavski

“Hey—let’s get something straight. It’s a vampire/alien/zombie/warlock hybrid flick.”

— Julie James

“I have already made this paper too long, for which I must crave pardon, not having now time to make it shorter.”

— Benjamin Franklin

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.

— Henny Youngman

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

— George Lopez

Comedy is incredibly hard. You have to be loose. You have to be not afraid to fail.

— Bill Hader

“I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food.”

— Suzanne Collins

Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.

— Jerry Seinfeld

Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.

— Will Rogers

“These cities grew in approximately the same places as our cities do now, however different the shape of the continents was. There…

— Italo Calvino

“He'd done his walls with paint from Holy Basil. God, I yearned for their colors. I hadn't been able to afford them…

— Marian Keyes

Sometimes I - with comedy, it's like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don't. And when they…

— John Mulaney

“As the class went through the Greeks and the Romans and the Renaissance painters, (who were easy enough to remember if you’d…

— K.A. Mitchell

“King Arthur: I am your king. Peasant Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you. King Arthur: You don't vote for kings. Peasant…

— Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Only recently - about five minutes ago, relative to the long-running human comedy - have parents been driving themselves to distraction by…

— George Will

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I mostly, for someone who makes a lot of their living in comedy - and even for someone who doesn't make their…

— Maria Thayer

“When you understand something it doesn't mean you accept it!”

— ey ramos

“I do twenty jumping jacks a day. Well, half of that. I just clap.”

— Martha Bolton

I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.

— Jerry Coleman

I always really loved comedy. It's the only thing I was ever good at.

— Ali Wong

“We all know a fool when we see one - but not when we are one.”

— Arnold H. Glasow

“Hey, if you want something done right, don't ask me.”

— Si Robertson

“I like your opera - I think I will set it to music”

— Ludwig van Beethoven

“S-U-C-I-D-E Do You want to end everything with only six alphabets?”

— Laksh Kishore

The law often permits what honor prohibits.

— Bernard-Joseph Saurin

You're so old, you remember when it was Preparation-A

— Glenn Huskey

I never sort of thought of myself as a comedy writer, by nature.

— Lena Dunham

“The verse is supposed to get you hard so the chorus can suck you off.”

— M. Thomas Gammarino

“Mi locura es sagrada, no la toquen.”

— Salvador Dalí

“Great idea," I said. "Call the police. Call the fucking police.”

— Ava Gardner

“the game will be finished when everyone is dead”

— TheRealMari

“I don't wanna be the joker who makes eyes full of tears in the end”

— Ags Orachimaruu