Humor Quotes · Page 56

“Ted, I swear to God, quothe he.”

— George Saunders

“I cry because I'm crying.”

— Sherman Alexie

Real men respect women.

— prince simus

She sleeps alone at last.

— Robert Benchley

“Life without humor is not funny.”

— Fishel Jacobs

“Man plans and God laughs.”

— Sean Chercover

Funny is funny is funny.

— Bob Newhart

“Buster was queer as a cat fart.”

— John Irving

Comedy is very hard, but you have to learn the art and science of it.

— Marlon Wayans

“ALL GLORY TO THE SCIENCE RULES OF SCIENCE!”

— Seanan McGuire

“Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.”

— John Oliver

“...the distance needed for humor is always missing from dreams.”

— Siri Hustvedt

Expect not praise without envy until you are dead.

— Charles Caleb Colton

Comedy is a funny business, which you have to take seriously.

— David Jason

Comedy is a very, very, very stringent business.

— Chuck Jones

“You were supposed to be my wingman, not my freaking kamikaze pilot.”

— Katelin LaMontagne

“When a Dragon, an Elf, and a Human walk into a bar, the Human is always going to be the punch line.”

— Bryan Fields

I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.

— Roy Bean

I'm not sure who invented dodgeball, but I can almost guarantee you that it wasn't the shortest kid in the class.

— John Bingham

The best point of my novels, I think, is their humor. I want to keep many my works humorous.

— Haruki Murakami

Comedy is here to bring joy to the world, whether you want to hear the curse words or not.

— Kenan Thompson

“He stared at her. "How do chicks do that?" "We have uteruses- they give us magic color sense.”

— Susan Andersen

“Stab me if you can enjoy it - but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I’m lying…

— Steve Aylett

A responsive crowd is great - they help you see new things in your comedy.

— Michael McIntyre

“It is of course perfectly natural to assume that everyone else is having a far more exciting time than you. Human beings,…

— Douglas Adams

“Penn is the brains behind this event. On behalf of my brothers, and all of the kids in the program, I’d like…

— Gina Gordon

Laughter lifts us over high ridges and lights up dark valleys in a way that makes life so much easier. It is…

— Alan Cohen

“A couple of years ago my sister Judy and I were each given a box of truffles. The tiny print said two…

— Abigail Thomas

“Republicans: 'we fought the good fight' - yeah, it woulda been worth it if we could have prevented just one poor kid…

— Bill Maher

“You're right [Joshua], I have taught you nothing. I could teach you nothing. Everything that you needed to know was already there.…

— Christopher Moore

“The night in question, I had put aside my perpetual lavatory read, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire , because…

— David Mitchell

“I tried to lighten the mood, and pointed at the house shoes - the last things I'd have expected to see Catcher…

— Chloe Neill

“A sneeze can never be to far away”

— Benny Bellamacina

This shed does not contain me.

— Bill Bailey

It [humor] inhabits the marginal.

— Penelope Gilliatt

[holds up a screw] wanna screw?

— Michael Country

I'd like to do a bit of comedy.

— Stephen Hunter

“Men are men, mortal or not.”

— KC Randall

I like black comedy.

— Lily Gladstone

My dad's a funny guy.

— Lonzo Ball